Kerry Katona: Am I Belf?

Sometimes celebrities will get in touch wanting to know if they are 'Belf'. It's difficult to quantify just what it is that makes us so cool, so desirable and so welcome at all the best parties. The true essence of 'Belf' is hard to define. But one thing is for sure - you either have it or you don't.

Kerry Katona? Doesn't.

'Dear Beelzebelle,' she writes. 'I am a big celebrity and everyone knows who I am and they're really interested in my life, and everyone shops at Iceland because of me. Whenever I go there to shop I can hardly move because there are so many people asking me to autograph their tracksuits. I lost that contract now but I was sick of it anyway, so now I am thinking of branching out into new things. Like cocaine. And maybe some internet things. So maybe you can help me relaunch myself. As you can see I am blonde and gorgeous, I wondered if you could post me on your blog as someone who is Belf?'

No Kerry. I've definitely seen your kind around Orgrimmar. But I'm afraid they weren't Belves.

I'm sure you'll agree, the resemblance is striking.